From Hoe to No Show

Online dating is a huge gamble. You never know what's going to happen or who you're going to run into. I've run into professors, friends, and even people's husbands. Yeah, I know. Don't worry, there will be time for those stories as well.

However, while you might meet many people there's also the biggest possibility. You're not going to meet anyone. Getting ghosted is a terrible experience. What's worse about getting ghosted is when you've offered all the goodies and get ghosted. You see, when that happens every single thought runs through your mind. Was I ugly? Boring? Were they just fishing for pics? Am I going to die alone? Seriously, there have only been a few times in my life when I've completely questioned my abilities. Once was when I didn't get into UC Berkeley, my dream school. Another was when I caved and hooked up with a friend and neither one of us came. And about two years ago, it was with Taylor.

I matched with Taylor. I will admit this. He was way out of my league. He was tall. Slim. Swedish. What more could you ask for? He even messaged me first. I was stunned. Maybe things were finally going my way. I saw the message and played it cool. I waited a bit to respond. Didn't want to seem to eager and desperate. Sure, I reread the "hey, how r u?" message a thousand times before I responded with "hey, I'm good! How are you?" But, at least I didn't come off as desperate.

We quickly sent each other messages got a good groove going. He was 24. Just moved to the Pacific NorthWest after finishing a grad program. I told him I was an attorney and he was impressed. At this point, it had become a sort of sensitive subject telling people I was an attorney. I didn't go around bragging about being an attorney. But for some reason guys hesitated when they found out I was 25 and an attorney. It was as if they automatically issues I was super serious and going to lock shit down in the first volley of messages. Worse was when they thought I was too uptight. No, I just knew at an early age what I wanted in life. I'm sorry?

Anyway, back to Taylor. We hit it off and then he asked me what I was doing the next day, Saturday. I told him I wasn't doing anything especially since my friends had all cancelled brunch plans last minute. 

I said sure. I mustered everything I could. I sucked everything in and grabbed some sexy clothes. 

It was on. He liked my pics and he was responding in kind. Needless to say, unlike that time I hooked up with a friend, Taylor and I finished. And finished big. We shot a couple post snap-sext session and confirmed our coffee for the next day.

I did a small work out in the morning and ensured that I looked my best. I even flossed in the morning. My dentist would be proud. I grabbed my things, popped my headphones in, and strutted my way to the coffee shop. I got there first, grabbed my tea, and sat at a big corner table. No, I didn't pick the corner table to give us more space. I picked it because I wanted to eavesdrop on the couple that was having a small fight. What can I say, I love hearing some fresh, juicy chisme.

I waited a few more minutes listening to Jane Doe historically whisper yell at John Doe who had been caught talking to "that bitch" that Jane Doe didn't like at the bar last night. Before I gasped, I decided it was best to message Taylor and let him know that I had arrived. I opened up Tinder and then paused. I couldn't find his profile anymore. I closed and refreshed the app and sure enough it wasn't there. I quickly looked up. John Doe was not trying to cover his ass and say that she talked to him and that he was trying to get a drink for Jane Doe and leave, she wasn't having it.

I looked back down and opened up Snapchat and quickly wrote him a message. Hey, Tinder isn't great. Sometimes it glitches. I wrote the quick message and sent it. Instead of the usual blue arrow, it was grey. I didn't know how to respond. I looked at my tea and then my phone. In those few seconds after I saw that grey arrow on Snapchat, after refreshing both Snapchat and Tinder over and over again, I went through a wave of emotions.

I won't lie. I was devastated. It wasn't just because I got stood up. Sure, I had wasted a couple hours of my day getting ready for this. No, it was more that I felt I was worthless. Someone purposely went out of their way to use me and then push me out of their lives because they got what they wanted. They could have just ignored me and that would have been fine. No, I got blocked.

I tossed the $3.25 of the remaining tea in my cup into he trash and walked out. I popped in my headphones and put the first Adele song I could find. I want to tell you that it crushed me and ruined the rest of my weekend. Not to get your pity, but to make Taylor feel awful for just disregarding someone's feelings. Fortunately, just as I was ready to belt out the last chorus of "Someone Like You" and scare all the people around me, a couple of my friends texted me to go grab some lunch. I quickly shot a text back and replaced Adele with some in-your-face Demi Lovato. I grabbed some lunch and forgot all about Taylor.

Definitely wasn't the first time I was ghosted nor was it the last. However, getting ghosted by Taylor taught me one thing: if you like a guy, don't make him nut before he meets you. No, but seriously, it taught me early on years ago that in dating, you can't put all your eggs in one basket. More importantly, you can't let someone else's decisions ruin your day. It would have been easy to just wallow in all of that, but no. I've kept going and have had years of dates after.

Also, it taught me that my friends will always be there with brunch to cheer me up. And really, is there more to life than that?

The Journey Continues!

Javi

P.S. Few weeks after that incident, I was rapid swiping on Tinder and guess who ended up swiping right on Taylor's profile and matching again...