Javi's Journey Through Dreadful Dating

So, this post is going to be a little different. Don't worry, I have plenty of dating stories still left to share with you guys. I also have some other issue posts to write including topics like bi-erasure. Trust me, this journey is very much just getting started and there are plenty of stops along the way. See, in this post I decided to get a little bit more personal with you guys with how I've been feeling lately. I figure if I'm going to blog and share my journey that I should share as much of my journey that I feel will resonate with my readers. I think story telling is the best way to connect with humans. Like my last post stated, this journey of being human is about getting to feel every emotion and I think we can best do it by storytelling. And, by sharing I hope that people out there go from feeling alone to feeling connected--even if it means embarrassing myself in the process. Trust me, after ripping your pants or shorts in front of people on a few occasions,...

Okay, so I left you all in suspense for a while....I should apologize, but that just means you guys will stick around for the conclusion of this tale. When we last got together , we were just meeting Chris and things were going great! I was smitten and he was a smooth goofball. However, I didn't know him at all. Sure, we chatted briefly and he tried to talk me up like he'd won the lottery just by running into me, but I really didn't know him. Hell, just reading the first post you guys would know as much about him as I knew. And here he was a few months later telling me that he was going to take a vacation to visit me. So as soon as he told me that he had a vacation planned, I halted everything. We were going way too fast. We'd only been talking for a brief time and there's no way a week or so of vacation was reasonable. And I told him so. There was just no way this was going to happen when we didn't know anything about each other. And I have t...

In case you've been living under a rock for the past year, or like me have an ever growing list of movies and shows to get through (hey, if you do have some recommendations send them my way, I'll get to them), you might not know that 2018 saw Netflix roll out a crap-ton of teen rom-coms. And honestly, who doesn't love a good teen rom-com? All the emotions are ramped up to 11. Everything is life or death. And, I get to relive the glorious trauma and flashbacks of my Senior Prom over and over again. Trust me, seeing flat-assed suburban kids trying to shake it to some Pussycat Dolls is pretty scarring. One of my favorite 2018 teen movies was: To All the Boys I've Loved Before. You should definitely check it out as well as the book, of the same name. Seriously, stop reading this post now and go read and watch it and then come back. Okay, good. We're on the same page now. Seriously, it's a cute story. The movie, which I may or may not have already seen like 6...

The above Grindr photo is not one from my personal collection. No, I don't collect pictures of guys, that would be weird...put my phone down Julio. While not of my collection, this is a profile I have seen many times. Too many times. It's not just on Grindr. It's on other dating apps and other social media. Being a minority in the gay world, and for purposes of this blog, let's limit this world to the United States (although I'm sure people from other countries can probably share the same experience, but I won't speak for them) is a world in which you are both fetishized as an exotic creature or demoted to second-class sub-species. Often guys on these apps take the best and worst qualities of "your" culture (I never really know who's culture they're taking from but must be someone's, right) and instantly make judgments on who you are. Sure, some of you might be saying "Javi, that's the name of the game. Dude, if you can'...

I've always been an ambitious kid. Never one to quit too early or take the easy road. Hell, the road I usually end up taking isn't even on the map and you best believe I'm too prideful to ask for help. So, as part of my ambition is my need to write creatively. It's definitely not just a desire. It's like in my head there are thousands of words, stories, and characters that need to breathe on a page. Trust me, the normal voices in my head aren't that needy. In order to not go crazy and sustain this need, I write when I can. I will be the first to say that I am not the best and even when I do write, I am not consistent. Throughout high school and college I created an account on Fiction Press as an outlet for the characters that simply could not wait. I will say I've done some work over there. If you're interested, drop me a line and I will share the wonders of my work. However, Fiction Press wasn't enough. I also had an overflowing a...

Dating is a duel. Dating is a sport. Dating is a journey. It can be dangerous out there. Fear not! I have ventured out there a bit and learned quite a lot. Not enough to profit, but enough to know that some people just want to spend their whole life going on dates and seeing how many points, I mean people, they can rack up. I've also learned that others see dating as the unfortunate middle step before marriage and ever lasting companionship and either dread it or try to cut it short: Now before you go out into the dating world, or if you're already in it and need some reevaluating, below are the dating Commandments. If you had time to remember Dua Lipa's New Rules, you'll have time to get these to memory. Commandment #1: Know Who You Are Above all else, you need to know who you are. Before you start looking for Mr. or Ms. Right or Right-Now, you need to know who you are as a person. But, Javi, why does that matter? I just want to find someone to lov...

This is the story of my first time. Well, my first time getting attention from a guy. We don't have the time to be breaking down my first time with a guy. Or, maybe we do. My post would probably last longer than my first time. I was 14 the first time a guy noticed me in a sexual way. I wasn't the popular kid growing up. However, when living in Conservative White Suburbia, USA, it's hard to be the popular kid when you're brown, fat, and poor. To top it off, I was nerdy. So, growing up I didn't have a lot of friends and I had some bullies. But didn't everyone? Anyway, I didn't know I was gay for a while. Probably not until I was 13 or 14 and I KNEW what the word gay meant. I did know for a while that I was different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I felt it. By the time I started high school, I knew I liked guys.* However, since I lived in Conservative White Suburbia, USA, I wasn't about to come out to people at the tender age of 14. For ...

This is a new series. I know what you're going to say, Javi, this is your third blog post, it's all new. Yeah, yeah, calm down, Julio. I've posted much of my adventure on Facebook and it would not be fair to take credit for new horrendous ventures. Like dating is bad, but it's not THAT bad. Except for that one time I saw a girl throw up and then try to kiss her male companion. That was bad. No, my journey has been unique. Memorable. I started my journey January 2017. Before that I was a young, wholesome, impressionable male ingenue. Okay, before that I just messed around. I was the Leap Frog of hooking up. Or the Hungry Hungry Hippo. Le't s take a poll on this later. Anyway, after law school finished in 2016 and I found out I passed the bar (and my hair started falling out like crazy, #neveragain), I decided that life was going to be about me. I was 25. Young. Only kind of ugly. Kind of poor. Hair still falling out. I was in the prime of my life! Christmas 20...

I'm single. Well, duh you say. Or you might not since you don't know me. But trust me, I am. You can cut my leg and count the rings to see how long I've been single. To avoid the cutting, I'll tell you that it's been like 5 or 6 years since I was in a relationship. I've been focused on law school and passing the bar. I've had priorities, okay mom. And at 26, the pressure is on to get in a relationship and get serious. Now that I've been out in practice and no longer in school, I've figured this is the best time to be dating and exploring the world. And by world, I mean the 25 mile radius on my Tinder profile. I want a boyfriend. I want to get married some day. Have some kids. It's still in the cards, trust me. However, I'm not desperate to get hitched. Although, if TLC were interested in a new television show, I'd be down. That girl Sallie Mae comes a-knocking every month and I have to get her to go away. It would be a great show. ...

Name's Javi. Not Jaw-vee. Or Jay-vee. or Jah-v-eye. Javi. Ha. Vee. It's best to get that out of the way before we proceed on this adventure. Why? Well, because the journey from here on out is pretty hectic and we need some ground rules we can hold on to when it gets tough. Now, dating is a game that everyone plays. Or at least those of us fortunate to still be single in our 20s. And I'm being honest, I am fortunate. Not in the sense that I believe coupled people are doomed to a life of despair and that all hope is lost for them, but more of the sense that I get to experience the crazy world of dating! If I were taken I wouldn't get to experience the weird, creepy, stalkery, confusing parts of dating. So, we have the name down. Seriously, it's just Javi, we'll do some practice runs with it. The next thing to work out is this blog. Now, this blog isn't going to be all sunshine and flowers. That's what my Instagram account is for. Okay, it's a...