No Spice. No Rice. No Chocolate. Just Vanilla.

The above Grindr photo is not one from my personal collection. No, I don't collect pictures of guys, that would be weird...put my phone down Julio. While not of my collection, this is a profile I have seen many times. Too many times. It's not just on Grindr. It's on other dating apps and other social media.

Being a minority in the gay world, and for purposes of this blog, let's limit this world to the United States (although I'm sure people from other countries can probably share the same experience, but I won't speak for them) is a world in which you are both fetishized as an exotic creature or demoted to second-class sub-species. Often guys on these apps take the best and worst qualities of "your" culture (I never really know who's culture they're taking from but must be someone's, right) and instantly make judgments on who you are. Sure, some of you might be saying "Javi, that's the name of the game. Dude, if you can't handle it, then just step aside." But, really, is the name of the game treating people like emotionless objects for your own twisted enjoyment? Really, are you comfortable saying that? If you are, as Ariana once said, "thank u, next."

I'm not alone in this. There have haven articles written on white elitism at Pride, racism in dating, and the scourge of racism just to name a few. You can do a quick search on Youtube and find videos from the ABC Life, MTV International, and Nina Bo'Nina Brown among many others. Hell, even websites created for the phenomenon, such as Grindr Racism on Twitter exist to show the despicable nature of racism in dating in the gay community, and the community at large. It's all over mainstream dating apps. For a minority gay, it's hard to pull yourself away from this. Of course, many of you are probably saying, "Javi, if it's that bad out there, then just pull yourself away. Dating apps aren't the true representation of the community."

That's where you might be mistaken. Apps like Grindr, Scruff, Jack'd, Adam4Adam, etc. aren't the only ones to blame for engaging in these fetishist and racist views of queer people of color. The gay media feeds into this belief that white gay men are the standard, the ideal, and minority gays are mere caricatures of stereotypes. While more shows have gay representation, 2018 seeing 8.8 percent of characters on TV as part of the LGBTQIA community, most of those characters are still predominately white. In 2017, GLAAD released their annual "Where We Are on TV" report and found that although "6.4 percent of regular series characters expected to appear on primetime scripted TV in the coming year [were] queer" 64 percent (on cable TV) and 77 percent (on streaming services) were white.

When they are represented POC gays are often portrayed as the sassy-sidekick, hairdresser, or latino with the broken English who's going to spice up the lives of the white people around him. Of course, 2017 and 2018 definitely saw the introduction of great and well-rounded queer people of color (more on that in another post) that should be the norm. Queer people of color are just as complex as their white counter-parts and it is time that the gay media begins reflecting that back to its audience.

Unfortunately, this is a system that feeds into itself and results in gays of color being seen as nothing but their skin tone. Much of the gay community and culture is reflective of the larger heteronormative culture in the US--even if times we still want to argue that we are some counter-culture to our heteronormative counterpart. We still find ourselves preferring the masculine, muscular, younger, white guy as the ideal. We prefer monogamous hard-working couples who pay taxes, make donations, and might go to church, or at least look like they could fit in. They're the representative. They're gay, but not too gay. Your female friends will still fall for him and swear that he couldn't be gay. Your straight male friends will invite him to watch football and share some beers. Your homophobic neighbors will say he's one of the good ones and not like those "others."

 

For many in the community that is fine. That's just what society is. White-Americans still make up a majority of the population, of course they're going to be front and center. And many people will take that "norm" and project it into their dating lives. Many people will respond that it's simply their preference. That they can't like everyone. That they're not racist. However, how can you be anything BUT racist when you determine you won't like someone, won't talk to someone, won't possibly find someone sexually or emotionally romantic or attractive because of the melanin in their skin? How is boiling every single wish, hope, desire, fear, concern, blemish, success, smile, wrinkle, hair follicle, tear down to a box you can check off on a census survey NOT racism? Seriously, I ask, because my mind can't think of it being anything else.

It's hard out there. But there is hope. Queer people of color are speaking out and letting people know that they are here and that their voices, their desires, their concerns matter. Are meaningful. Are worthy. Hell, even Grindr has released it's new campaign called Kindr to combat this issue. Maybe this might turn things around, or maybe Keodara's lawsuit against Grindr will.

Whatever the case, it's time we continue to speak out about this. Racism is not okay. Racism in our workplace is our community is not. Racism in our dating is not okay.

The Journey Continues!
Javi