Throwback Thirsty Thursday #1: Papi, Can You Hear Me?
This is a new series. I know what you're going to say, Javi, this is your third blog post, it's all new. Yeah, yeah, calm down, Julio. I've posted much of my adventure on Facebook and it would not be fair to take credit for new horrendous ventures. Like dating is bad, but it's not THAT bad. Except for that one time I saw a girl throw up and then try to kiss her male companion. That was bad.
No, my journey has been unique. Memorable. I started my journey January 2017. Before that I was a young, wholesome, impressionable male ingenue.
Okay, before that I just messed around. I was the Leap Frog of hooking up. Or the Hungry Hungry Hippo. Le't s take a poll on this later. Anyway, after law school finished in 2016 and I found out I passed the bar (and my hair started falling out like crazy, #neveragain), I decided that life was going to be about me. I was 25. Young. Only kind of ugly. Kind of poor. Hair still falling out. I was in the prime of my life! Christmas 2016 rolled around and I decided to download Tinder, Scruff, Grindr (okay re-download for the 20th time), and other apps I could deal with.* That was the game plan folks. I was committed.
Boy, was I so not prepared. Imagine walking into your steamy hot shower. The steam is billowing over the bar and clouding up your mirror. You have it set at the right temperature. Just hot enough for your skin to turn a tomato red, but not hot enough that reminded you of the pain of napping in the summer sun. You walk right in and let the stream cascade over you. You lather your hair with shampoo and all of a sudden the hot water tank runs out and your vulnerably exposed chest gets hit with the most vindictive icy force. Your veins fill with dread as the last bits of your life draw away from your eyes. It's the same overwhelming feeling you get when your mother comes home and asks if you cooked the chicken that she left out and you stupidly respond with a no.
And being unprepared revolved around one thing: I was Latino. I was a person of color dating in a predominately white world. I'm a lawyer, I work in a predominately white world. But dating is just another level of realization. I know hooking up brings race play into things (and no, I'm not talking about THAT kind of race play, I'm not getting off roleplaying as someone's vaquero). Being Latino changes how guys approach you. Why do I know being Latino changed how guys approached me? Because I would constantly get messages such as: "are you latino?" "you look latino." "I love latinos. I think they're super sexy."
Folks. I am not sexy. I can be sexy. I can think about being sexy. But as a homeostatic thing, no I am not sexy. Hell, I will admit that I have photos of myself saved on my phone of all angles of my body when I thought I had a sexy moment. Why you ask? Because when I'm sexting someone, I don't want to have to take a sexy picture of myself while I'm eating a bag of chips. I may be in the mood, but that doesn't mean I'm also feeling sexy. Besides, we all have stock pictures. That's a thing. right?
Whatever, Jan. The point is. I'm not sexy. Moreover, I'm not sexy just because I'm Latino. Like what's sexy about that? Are you turned on by the food? The clothes? The fact that we are systematically oppressed in the United States and people tend to lump us all as Mexican? Oh, yeah, that totally turns me on, too.
No, it's none of those things. Apparently, the thing that people find sexy about me being Latino is that people feel they have free reign to call me "papi." I don't know what's worse, the fact that people insist on calling me papi or that white men love/request/insist that you call them papi? Like, stop buddy. It is not sexy. It's creepy. Like really really creepy. I get so un-turned on when something like that happens.
There is a silver-lining though. Well, not really, but a guy has to be hopeful doing this. It's cool that people are moving on to ask me if I'm Latino or Hispanic and not just assuming that I'm Mexican. That's progress...quisas?
The Journey Continues!
Javi
*For those interested in online dating and using apps, word of advice: download like two. But, Javi, how am I going to meet more people so I can stop being single? Well, let me tell you and save you some storage space. They're all basically the same and the same people that are on App A are going to be on App B. But, Javi, how do you know that? I really want to maximize my net and pool. Seriously, trust me. I've done this for over a year, I have the stats. Okay, I don't have the stats, but I've seen it. Besides, do you think you are the only one thinking of using multiple apps to find someone? Please. Save your energy.
No, my journey has been unique. Memorable. I started my journey January 2017. Before that I was a young, wholesome, impressionable male ingenue.
Okay, before that I just messed around. I was the Leap Frog of hooking up. Or the Hungry Hungry Hippo. Le't s take a poll on this later. Anyway, after law school finished in 2016 and I found out I passed the bar (and my hair started falling out like crazy, #neveragain), I decided that life was going to be about me. I was 25. Young. Only kind of ugly. Kind of poor. Hair still falling out. I was in the prime of my life! Christmas 2016 rolled around and I decided to download Tinder, Scruff, Grindr (okay re-download for the 20th time), and other apps I could deal with.* That was the game plan folks. I was committed.
Boy, was I so not prepared. Imagine walking into your steamy hot shower. The steam is billowing over the bar and clouding up your mirror. You have it set at the right temperature. Just hot enough for your skin to turn a tomato red, but not hot enough that reminded you of the pain of napping in the summer sun. You walk right in and let the stream cascade over you. You lather your hair with shampoo and all of a sudden the hot water tank runs out and your vulnerably exposed chest gets hit with the most vindictive icy force. Your veins fill with dread as the last bits of your life draw away from your eyes. It's the same overwhelming feeling you get when your mother comes home and asks if you cooked the chicken that she left out and you stupidly respond with a no.
And being unprepared revolved around one thing: I was Latino. I was a person of color dating in a predominately white world. I'm a lawyer, I work in a predominately white world. But dating is just another level of realization. I know hooking up brings race play into things (and no, I'm not talking about THAT kind of race play, I'm not getting off roleplaying as someone's vaquero). Being Latino changes how guys approach you. Why do I know being Latino changed how guys approached me? Because I would constantly get messages such as: "are you latino?" "you look latino." "I love latinos. I think they're super sexy."
Folks. I am not sexy. I can be sexy. I can think about being sexy. But as a homeostatic thing, no I am not sexy. Hell, I will admit that I have photos of myself saved on my phone of all angles of my body when I thought I had a sexy moment. Why you ask? Because when I'm sexting someone, I don't want to have to take a sexy picture of myself while I'm eating a bag of chips. I may be in the mood, but that doesn't mean I'm also feeling sexy. Besides, we all have stock pictures. That's a thing. right?
Whatever, Jan. The point is. I'm not sexy. Moreover, I'm not sexy just because I'm Latino. Like what's sexy about that? Are you turned on by the food? The clothes? The fact that we are systematically oppressed in the United States and people tend to lump us all as Mexican? Oh, yeah, that totally turns me on, too.
No, it's none of those things. Apparently, the thing that people find sexy about me being Latino is that people feel they have free reign to call me "papi." I don't know what's worse, the fact that people insist on calling me papi or that white men love/request/insist that you call them papi? Like, stop buddy. It is not sexy. It's creepy. Like really really creepy. I get so un-turned on when something like that happens.
There is a silver-lining though. Well, not really, but a guy has to be hopeful doing this. It's cool that people are moving on to ask me if I'm Latino or Hispanic and not just assuming that I'm Mexican. That's progress...quisas?
The Journey Continues!
Javi
*For those interested in online dating and using apps, word of advice: download like two. But, Javi, how am I going to meet more people so I can stop being single? Well, let me tell you and save you some storage space. They're all basically the same and the same people that are on App A are going to be on App B. But, Javi, how do you know that? I really want to maximize my net and pool. Seriously, trust me. I've done this for over a year, I have the stats. Okay, I don't have the stats, but I've seen it. Besides, do you think you are the only one thinking of using multiple apps to find someone? Please. Save your energy.
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