Moobtube Part 2
After the bus incident, I got more comfortable with interactions with guys. Of course, I didn't tell anyone. But through my free use of the internet I did find my outlets. And no, I'm not talking about porn, let's keep this PG, please.
I was now a HS Senior and things had changed. I was no longer the wall flower. I was more outspoken and braver. I was part of my school's step team. I had a small group of friends that I could trust and share secrets. Most importantly, I was beginning to build the confidence I have now. Sure, I wasn't as fierce and unapologetic then as I am now, but you have to start somewhere.
This confidence showed a lot in how I interacted with guys. I was flirting and having fun. Of course, given that this was all around 2008, it was all done online. Thank you, the GYC (there are a few stories on that that I might share later on, including the first guy I ever had fall in love with me). I was used to the attention. In fact, sometimes I craved it.
Anyway, that was my life. It was all going well. Then, Sam popped back into my life. Like I mentioned in Part 1, Sam and I went to the same school. After the letter incident, I never spoke to him, but I always saw him around. Now as Seniors I was focusing on the future and thought it best to make amends with anyone that wanted to. I didn't want to start my new life with baggage.
Sam messaged me on FB one day. It was pretty standard greetings and catching up. He asked me if it was true that I was gay. I told him it was. I had made the decision to come out at school and I wasn't going to hide it. We started talking a bit more about that. He asked me if I was seeing anyone. That's when the conversation turned from standard to a road I would take many times with different guys for years to come.
Sam told me he was interested in guys. He didn't know if he was gay or whatnot, but wasn't going to put a label on it. So, he asked again if I was seeing anyone. I lied and said no. I didn't want to talk about my boyfriend. I told him I was not interested in a relationship because I was going off to college soon and I didn't want things to tie me down (which was true and which is why I ended up breaking up with my first). He said he understood. Don't they all though? Don't they all just magically understand? Sure, Jan. That's when he made his offer.
Now, 26 year old Javi has had many sexual propositions. Some I've rolled my eyes at and others I've rebuked. But this was the first from someone I knew. He told me that we didn't need to be in a relationship. Maybe we could just go to the movies and I could suck him off. I kid you not. he didn't sugar coat it. He had some balls. I told him no. That I was not interested in fooling around outside of being in a relationship (that was true at the time, btw). Did that stop brazened Sam? No. He persisted. I finally told him to stop. I had morals and I wasn't going to lower them for anyone (that was also true at the time). He said he would stop and then the conversation sort of puttered out. I thought that would be the end of it. But, if it were, we wouldn't have this story, now would we?
A couple months after I had put my foot down, Sam came back. More persistent. More controlling. As part of the step team, we sometimes went to dance shows or competitions. At one of them, I happened to meet a cute fit guy. To this day, I wish I had more confidence to approach him and ask him out. My friend Erica insisted he was not gay, of course because she also wanted him. However, when he busted out a full High School Musical 2 routine, I should have had it in the bag. I made the mistake of telling Sam about this dancer. He went off. He was jealous.Sam lashed out and said I would only be into superficial, dumb jocks. I was probably trying to sleep with guys on the football team. I was shocked and disturbed. Sam wasn't really my friend. He wasn't my boyfriend. He sure as hell wasn't my mom or dad. He had no right to go off on me like that. I told him that he was off base and needed to calm down. He stopped. Temporarily.
Instead of trying to approach me like a friend, Sam approached me like a conquest. We didn't have Snapchat or Vine or Instagram back then. He couldn't slide into my DM's. Instead, Sam sent me two videos from Youtube of himself shirtless and playing with his "moobs." His words, not mine. I didn't ask for them and as sure as hell did not enjoy them. And even though I emailed Sam back that I didn't want to see those things, that didn't stop him. He sent another video link on FB.
I didn't have the confidence back then to tell him to fuck off. Instead, the only thing I could do was ignore him. So I did. He then sent me the world's longest confession of his feelings, including the fact that he lied about the letter being a joke. He avoided me because he couldn't handle his feelings. But I was nice and hot and when he found out I was gay, he had to go for it. He ended his confession saying that he understood I had morals, but that still I should consider doing things with him and exploring all the opportunities.
Sam showed me many things. He showed me what it felt like to get attention. To feel noticed. He also showed me what dating and guys were going to be like. I didn't know back in 2008-2009 that that would be how dating would be, but sadly, it was a pretty accurate. Sam was many things. He was a friend. He was a first. But most of all, Sam was a fuck boy.
The Journey Continues!
Javi
I was now a HS Senior and things had changed. I was no longer the wall flower. I was more outspoken and braver. I was part of my school's step team. I had a small group of friends that I could trust and share secrets. Most importantly, I was beginning to build the confidence I have now. Sure, I wasn't as fierce and unapologetic then as I am now, but you have to start somewhere.
This confidence showed a lot in how I interacted with guys. I was flirting and having fun. Of course, given that this was all around 2008, it was all done online. Thank you, the GYC (there are a few stories on that that I might share later on, including the first guy I ever had fall in love with me). I was used to the attention. In fact, sometimes I craved it.
Anyway, that was my life. It was all going well. Then, Sam popped back into my life. Like I mentioned in Part 1, Sam and I went to the same school. After the letter incident, I never spoke to him, but I always saw him around. Now as Seniors I was focusing on the future and thought it best to make amends with anyone that wanted to. I didn't want to start my new life with baggage.
Sam messaged me on FB one day. It was pretty standard greetings and catching up. He asked me if it was true that I was gay. I told him it was. I had made the decision to come out at school and I wasn't going to hide it. We started talking a bit more about that. He asked me if I was seeing anyone. That's when the conversation turned from standard to a road I would take many times with different guys for years to come.
Sam told me he was interested in guys. He didn't know if he was gay or whatnot, but wasn't going to put a label on it. So, he asked again if I was seeing anyone. I lied and said no. I didn't want to talk about my boyfriend. I told him I was not interested in a relationship because I was going off to college soon and I didn't want things to tie me down (which was true and which is why I ended up breaking up with my first). He said he understood. Don't they all though? Don't they all just magically understand? Sure, Jan. That's when he made his offer.
Now, 26 year old Javi has had many sexual propositions. Some I've rolled my eyes at and others I've rebuked. But this was the first from someone I knew. He told me that we didn't need to be in a relationship. Maybe we could just go to the movies and I could suck him off. I kid you not. he didn't sugar coat it. He had some balls. I told him no. That I was not interested in fooling around outside of being in a relationship (that was true at the time, btw). Did that stop brazened Sam? No. He persisted. I finally told him to stop. I had morals and I wasn't going to lower them for anyone (that was also true at the time). He said he would stop and then the conversation sort of puttered out. I thought that would be the end of it. But, if it were, we wouldn't have this story, now would we?
Instead of trying to approach me like a friend, Sam approached me like a conquest. We didn't have Snapchat or Vine or Instagram back then. He couldn't slide into my DM's. Instead, Sam sent me two videos from Youtube of himself shirtless and playing with his "moobs." His words, not mine. I didn't ask for them and as sure as hell did not enjoy them. And even though I emailed Sam back that I didn't want to see those things, that didn't stop him. He sent another video link on FB.
I didn't have the confidence back then to tell him to fuck off. Instead, the only thing I could do was ignore him. So I did. He then sent me the world's longest confession of his feelings, including the fact that he lied about the letter being a joke. He avoided me because he couldn't handle his feelings. But I was nice and hot and when he found out I was gay, he had to go for it. He ended his confession saying that he understood I had morals, but that still I should consider doing things with him and exploring all the opportunities.
Sam showed me many things. He showed me what it felt like to get attention. To feel noticed. He also showed me what dating and guys were going to be like. I didn't know back in 2008-2009 that that would be how dating would be, but sadly, it was a pretty accurate. Sam was many things. He was a friend. He was a first. But most of all, Sam was a fuck boy.
The Journey Continues!
Javi
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