The Five Commandments of Dating
Dating is a duel. Dating is a sport. Dating is a journey. It can be dangerous out there. Fear not! I have ventured out there a bit and learned quite a lot. Not enough to profit, but enough to know that some people just want to spend their whole life going on dates and seeing how many points, I mean people, they can rack up.
I've also learned that others see dating as the unfortunate middle step before marriage and ever lasting companionship and either dread it or try to cut it short:
Now before you go out into the dating world, or if you're already in it and need some reevaluating, below are the dating Commandments. If you had time to remember Dua Lipa's New Rules, you'll have time to get these to memory.
Commandment #1: Know Who You Are
Above all else, you need to know who you are. Before you start looking for Mr. or Ms. Right or Right-Now, you need to know who you are as a person. But, Javi, why does that matter? I just want to find someone to love me. I get that Jan, but how is someone going to love you when they don't know who you are? And they can't know who you are without you know first.
You have to learn to be comfortable being single. Being single does not mean being alone or being lonely. If you chase the idea of being in a relationship, you will constantly move from one relationship to another and never be satisfied.
Spend time exploring yourself (not like that you pervs, but that doesn't hurt either). Know who you are and that will allow you to go right into Commandment #2.
Commandment #2: Know What You Want
When you know what you want, you can tell your partner what you want and more importantly, what you need. This leads to a greater experience.
And this doesn't mean that you have to know EXACTLY what you want. Nor does it mean that what you want can't change. Hell, I'm going into this dating experience with a long-term goal of getting married. However, whatever happens from this point to that final point is up for grabs and fair game.
As long as you know what you want, no date will ever be THAT bad. Some still will be though, don't worry.
Commandment #3: Don't be a Dick
Don't lead people on. Don't lie. Don't catfish. Look, I get it. I want YOU to be happy. But realize that in the dating world, you're also dealing with others. This means not using people for your own satisfaction. Don't string people along until you figure your shit out. Don't lie to someone about settling down when it's the last thing you want to do.
Not being a dick also means not forcing people to change for you. If you want to be in a LTR, but your fling wants to just be FWB, don't put them in a situation where they have to compromise. Don't force someone to change their needs to satisfy yours. Simply find someone that is compatible.
You might be the protagonist in your life, but, Jan, you're not the protagonist in Julio's life.
Commandment #4: Be Vocal
Don't take it there, Jan. Okay, just a little.
Stand up for what you want. Stand up for what you like. Stand up for what you need. Whether that means the restaurant you want to go to or the sex position you want to try.
Not being vocal is detrimental to dating. Sadly, no one is a psychic. You need to speak your mind to get the best of this dating experience.
Now, Jan. Shout it from the rooftop or bedroom.
Commandment #5: Don't Give Up
Dating sometimes sucks.
Dating sometimes is amazing.
You could have a flourishing experience or you my enter a dry spell so bad that California's aqueducts pity you. Don't give up though. Dating is a journey and it's worth it even on those bad dates. Why? Because each of those things leads to something. Maybe you learned to be more assertive. Maybe you got to see a movie, go to a restaurant, tour a location that you never had before. Maybe you learned you're not into feet. Whatever happens, don't give up. The journey is worth it.
And, if all else fails you can simply start a blog and write about your dreadful dates...
Just kidding, don't do that last part. Please, I beg you.
The Journey Continues!
Javi
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