Javi's Journey Through Dreadful Dating

In case you've been living under a rock for the past year, or like me have an ever growing list of movies and shows to get through (hey, if you do have some recommendations send them my way, I'll get to them), you might not know that 2018 saw Netflix roll out a crap-ton of teen rom-coms. And honestly, who doesn't love a good teen rom-com? All the emotions are ramped up to 11. Everything is life or death. And, I get to relive the glorious trauma and flashbacks of my Senior Prom over and over again. Trust me, seeing flat-assed suburban kids trying to shake it to some Pussycat Dolls is pretty scarring. One of my favorite 2018 teen movies was: To All the Boys I've Loved Before. You should definitely check it out as well as the book, of the same name. Seriously, stop reading this post now and go read and watch it and then come back. Okay, good. We're on the same page now. Seriously, it's a cute story. The movie, which I may or may not have already seen like 6...

The above Grindr photo is not one from my personal collection. No, I don't collect pictures of guys, that would be weird...put my phone down Julio. While not of my collection, this is a profile I have seen many times. Too many times. It's not just on Grindr. It's on other dating apps and other social media. Being a minority in the gay world, and for purposes of this blog, let's limit this world to the United States (although I'm sure people from other countries can probably share the same experience, but I won't speak for them) is a world in which you are both fetishized as an exotic creature or demoted to second-class sub-species. Often guys on these apps take the best and worst qualities of "your" culture (I never really know who's culture they're taking from but must be someone's, right) and instantly make judgments on who you are. Sure, some of you might be saying "Javi, that's the name of the game. Dude, if you can'...

I've always been an ambitious kid. Never one to quit too early or take the easy road. Hell, the road I usually end up taking isn't even on the map and you best believe I'm too prideful to ask for help. So, as part of my ambition is my need to write creatively. It's definitely not just a desire. It's like in my head there are thousands of words, stories, and characters that need to breathe on a page. Trust me, the normal voices in my head aren't that needy. In order to not go crazy and sustain this need, I write when I can. I will be the first to say that I am not the best and even when I do write, I am not consistent. Throughout high school and college I created an account on Fiction Press as an outlet for the characters that simply could not wait. I will say I've done some work over there. If you're interested, drop me a line and I will share the wonders of my work. However, Fiction Press wasn't enough. I also had an overflowing a...

Last winter I branched out from the normal guys I go for. Now, I won't say I have a particular type, BUT, I probably do. I usually go for guys close to my age, tall, who are driven. No, you don't need a four-year degree and letters after your name, but you do need to have a plan and direction. Seriously, Sallie Mae doesn't have time for me dicking around. This time, I decided I would go for some older guys. I have experience with some guys way beyond my years, but I don't make it a common thing. Not to say they don't come after me, but unless you're old, hot, and have money, I probably won't settle down. So I set up a date with a guy in his early 40s and mentally prepared myself for the coffee we were going to get. Now, I need to preface this date with some backstory that resulted in my naivety. I spent the first 21 years of my life in California and everyone in the suburbs spoke the same. i didn't think I spoke with an accent at any point in...

Dating is a duel. Dating is a sport. Dating is a journey. It can be dangerous out there. Fear not! I have ventured out there a bit and learned quite a lot. Not enough to profit, but enough to know that some people just want to spend their whole life going on dates and seeing how many points, I mean people, they can rack up. I've also learned that others see dating as the unfortunate middle step before marriage and ever lasting companionship and either dread it or try to cut it short: Now before you go out into the dating world, or if you're already in it and need some reevaluating, below are the dating Commandments. If you had time to remember Dua Lipa's New Rules, you'll have time to get these to memory. Commandment #1: Know Who You Are Above all else, you need to know who you are. Before you start looking for Mr. or Ms. Right or Right-Now, you need to know who you are as a person. But, Javi, why does that matter? I just want to find someone to lov...

After the bus incident, I got more comfortable with interactions with guys. Of course, I didn't tell anyone. But through my free use of the internet I did find my outlets. And no, I'm not talking about porn, let's keep this PG, please. I was now a HS Senior and things had changed. I was no longer the wall flower. I was more outspoken and braver. I was part of my school's step team. I had a small group of friends that I could trust and share secrets. Most importantly, I was beginning to build the confidence I have now. Sure, I wasn't as fierce and unapologetic then as I am now, but you have to start somewhere. This confidence showed a lot in how I interacted with guys. I was flirting and having fun. Of course, given that this was all around 2008, it was all done online. Thank you, the GYC (there are a few stories on that that I might share later on, including the first guy I ever had fall in love with me). I was used to the attention. In fact, sometimes I c...

This is the story of my first time. Well, my first time getting attention from a guy. We don't have the time to be breaking down my first time with a guy. Or, maybe we do. My post would probably last longer than my first time. I was 14 the first time a guy noticed me in a sexual way. I wasn't the popular kid growing up. However, when living in Conservative White Suburbia, USA, it's hard to be the popular kid when you're brown, fat, and poor. To top it off, I was nerdy. So, growing up I didn't have a lot of friends and I had some bullies. But didn't everyone? Anyway, I didn't know I was gay for a while. Probably not until I was 13 or 14 and I KNEW what the word gay meant. I did know for a while that I was different. I couldn't put my finger on it, but I felt it. By the time I started high school, I knew I liked guys.* However, since I lived in Conservative White Suburbia, USA, I wasn't about to come out to people at the tender age of 14. For ...